So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
