I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
