I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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