Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
