I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The Olympian is in my bed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
