he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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