Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
