he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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