he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he high fived his dick after we had sex
and eventually we just all took our pants off
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
