Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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