3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
