I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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