i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
