I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
