she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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