When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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