So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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