Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
