I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
