Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
