Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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