Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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