Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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