69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
