she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
