you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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