Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
