I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
