I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
