In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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