There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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