i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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