GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize