Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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