I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
