HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
pray to the hookup gods
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
