Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
