I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'm really busy with my period
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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