So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize