once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
