Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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