Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
