I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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