You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
