I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
