So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
two words...techno handjob
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
