mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
