I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sext me about skeletons
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
