look no pants
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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