I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
