Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
