Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize