i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
