I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
