while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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