How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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