Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
