I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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