my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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