i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
