one word: firstdatebathroomanal
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
