thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
