And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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