So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
