wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
